Day - 4 GRRRRRRR!!!!

Today the Dr's have decided to pull out Avarie's Hickman. That is Avarie's new buddy that we were so excited to get. They believe it is the source of this bacterial infection. So tomorrow morning we have surgery. Her counts are getting lower every day so they want to do it as soon as possible. They will put a PIC in her arm, which is a step up from an IV and a step down from her Hickman. It is not the best solution, but the best we can do in the current situation. We are hoping to be able to get a double lumen PIC, but last time she had a PIC we were only able to get a single in. We're not sure what we will do if we are only able to get a single in. I guess they may end up putting in two PICs, one into each arm because we have to have double access to her veins and her PORT is just too unpredictible to try to trust it. Can I just say I hate all of this. I am so frustrated by it all I want to scream or cry or just be angry with someone. I knew that we would have some complications during transplant, there are always problems, but I just didn't expect it all from the beginning. I didn't expect there to be problems like this. At least she is tolerating her chemo's well and is in a good mood and so far not too sick to her stomach. I am grateful that she is tolerating transplant so well so far, of course we are just at the beginning of that part too, but I just wish we weren't having to lose her life line that we were so excited to get and to be facing surgery at such a vulnerable time. Oh well, what are we going to do, its not like we can say no thank you we want to stop all of this right now or no leave her line in that could jeopardize her life. Sorry, I'm venting a little. I sure miss our Dr's and Nurses from Emanuel. Not that the Dr's and Nurses here aren't wonderful, its just that we knew the people there so well and we were so comfortable with them. There is a certain trust and comfort that you develope and so when something goes wrong and they come in and explain things to you, you already have trust in them. It makes it easier to get through these things when you know the hands that your baby is in. I'm sure by the end of this we will know and trust the hands we are in, but for now I miss our friends and wish that they could be here to see us through this time.
I came and traded Craig spots today. I wasn't going to until Saturday, but Craig was starting to feel stuffy and since Avarie has not gotten this cold yet, we want to try to keep her away from it. I am on the mends, not 100% but definitely getting better, so I was the better choice to be here for now. I also wanted to be here with all that is going on. Craig has been doing a wonderful job, but when things start getting medically complicated I usually step in. I track her medical stuff and remember it, I have been blessed that way. So I deal with the medical stuff more and Craig gets to be the fun loving daddy and care taker. He is wonderful with her and that gives me so much comfort right now. I am grateful that when I am feeling weak right now he can be the strong one.
We'll update more tomorrow after surgery and let you all know how she is doing.